Youth Motivational Speaker - Jeff Yalden
Schadenfreude- is pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. (Heider, 1958).
Wounded pride especially among teenagers is a very dangerous thing. It’s dangerous because it doesn’t take long for wounded pride to evolve to resentment, which turns into anger, which left alone to fester turns into self-righteousness. A teen in the state of self-righteousness, tends to take pleasure, rather than feel empathy, for someone else’s misfortunes. In general, people feel envious of others when they notice a quality or achievement possessed by someone else and realize that it is something they want for themselves, but are unable to for any number of reasons. For some teens, especially those lacking self-confidence, it can be very pleasing when someone other than themselves struggles.
Put schadenfreude in the school cafegymetorium and let’s watch it work. The newly elected prom queen slips and falls and breaks her nose. She is a very pretty girl and most guys would love to be her date at the prom. The kids sitting at the table furthest in the corner, but closest to the bathrooms hunch over their lunches and giggle at the prom queen splayed on the tile floor. Ah Schadenfreude!
I ask myself why this type of thing has become the norm, especially in high school, and now even middle school. There was a time when an incident like this would have resulted in someone lending a hand and seeking the help of a grown up. Now-a-days the prom queen must face weeks of ridicule, and months of inside jokes as she attempts to live down the accident that lead to the wad of gauze stuffed in her bloodied nose.
Why is it that when the misfortunes of someone else, makes some of us feel better, rather than worse? As an adult I cringe when something like this happens. I get a sick feeling in my gut and race to provide support. I sometimes make fun of those making fun (counterproductive and immature I know) in an attempt to restore balance.
Do we grow out of schadenfreude? Is it a temporary condition only affecting teens? The answer is no, it gets worse with age. Adults compete for jobs, positions in society, and even in sports. When those rewarded with promotion, victory or money for the same efforts of ourselves we still fall back on old behavior. Our adult wounded pride evolves in the face of our efforts and we become resentful, eventually get angry, and inevitably are left feeling self-righteous. Further down the line the guy that got everything while we got nothing, loses his job, gets arthritis, and is arrested for drunk driving, and we pump our fists saying, “Karma.”
It is our duty and responsibility as parents and young adults to avoid schadenfreude like the plague. Without offending Germans I suggest it stay in Germany. I will make a commitment to rejoice in someone else’s good fortune. I will lead by example!
