Teen Expert Jeff Yalden
I might like to try it. I think I’ll try a bite. I have never tried that but someday I might! What if I try it and I don’t like it? When a teenager says they just want to try something, it is a casual and non-committal attempt at success. You can try a new food or a new activity, but when you take on something on a more personal level, just trying is an unhealthy and unsatisfying approach to a new experience that will lead to a predictable outcome.
When you try something, there is no guaranty of mastery, or satisfaction. Lots of kids try bad things or reckless things or even dangerous things, but a growing number refuse to try new things. For most high school students there is security in only trying something, as opposed to actually doing something. Among most teens an attempt to try something is usually short lived. Laughing off failure is easier, especially when you decide to try, to try out for the school play. When you try something, you know there is a good chance it’s not going to work. If you truly believe something is going to work, you don’t try it, you do it. You don’t try marriage, you get married.
Just trying something gives teens the illusion that they are taking a risk or engaging in risky behavior. Ultimately, this sort of illusion leads to acceptance among teen peers. After all, you are taking action, but you are hedging the risk. You don’t have to beat yourself up or face ridicule if it doesn’t work out. Trying rather than doing gives most teenagers an easy way out or a free fall from grace.
Just trying something can be worse that not doing anything at all. When you half-ass something and it doesn’t work out, it confirms your belief that it wasn’t possible to begin with. Unfortunately, when the result of a teenager’s lame attempt to try something new yields a positive result, it only means that the true potential of what was possible was never realized, because the initial effort was minimalized.
Doing something is different. Saying you are going to do something is a commitment. “I’m going to learn to play the piano” is a much more powerful statement than “I’m going to try to learn how to play the piano.” If you fail, you might feel like a bit of a loser. Doing something is risky. Doing something requires motivation, hard work and focus. Doing something gives you confidence to take on other things. The more you do, the less you’ll want to just try.
